So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
