1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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