dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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