The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
