i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
