how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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