i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
