That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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