Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
