Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
