dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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