I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
