Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
