just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
