we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
