I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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