he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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