I hate all girls vehemently.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
