I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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