Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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