I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
