He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
