i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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