I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
