ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You've changed since you got that strap on
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
