I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
