If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
