haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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