Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
