i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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