If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
