He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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