so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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