sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
