could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
