Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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