i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
