There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
