Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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