Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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