Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
