Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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