he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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