I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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