I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
