can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
