just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
