I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
