I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need to stop coming to work sober
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
