you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
