that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
