I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
