My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
