I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
