Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
